December 18th, 2023
It was Monday morning when me and my husband get ready go to hospital for baby delivery. The night before I hardly get any sleep. A lot of things was going through my mind those days.
Once we get there and going through all the surgery preparation procedures, very soon i was ready got admitted to surgery room. My husband wanted to accompany me during the surgery but unfortunately it was not allowed. Until I got into surgery room, my husband held my hand and tell me to not be afraid.
I remember the surgery went fast and it was no pain at all. The only uncomfortable feeling was when the doc tried to took the baby out from my belly, it felt like my organs inside being messed up.
Just by a moment, the room filled with the voice of baby crying loudly. All of sudden I got emotional and felt like crying. But I held my tears because I felt like it will be awkward 😅
My baby cried very loudly even the doctor surprised. He said the baby is very healthy because she cried too loud! 😂
They bring the baby come to my face and touched her to my face & lip. I remember see her face for the first time and thought how beautiful she is. Soft white skin, red lips and small face. I felt awkward at that moment though and don’t know how to act. I thought “Oh, she is my baby? all these times she was inside my belly?”
Suddenly I felt extremely sleepy and tired , felt like i just used all of my energy. I felt half conscious-half sleep through the rest of procedures. Feel like I watch a blurry scene where doctor and nurses getting busy with a little chatter between them.
After everything done , I was taken out of the room while still half consciously lying down on my bed. Outside the room there was my husband stood up waiting, he rushed came to the side of my bed. With the looks of worry, nervous and relieved all over his face, he grab my hand and said “thank you for your hard work”
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Later that night they bring the baby to my room, I see her clearly for the first time. She is so beautiful, so perfect. She is very healthy and strong baby girl. She has quite big power for a newborn (not only I think that, but my family also said that)😅
She was very active since inside my womb. Actually during my pregnancy I didn’t eat very healthy like other pregnant women because my nausea is very serious. I could feel nausea the whole day from morning until night. I feel depressed. The first few months felt like sufferings. Eating becomes something that I really hate, especially vegetable, fruit, soup, basically all healthy foods! There are lot of times where I ate only for threw up later, I feel frustated to everyone who forced me to eat.
Also there was 2 times I go through contractions. First time the doctor said probably came from unhygienic foods which led to diarrhea and trigger the contraction. Second time we guess was because the day before I walked too much. The contractions was so strong I felt pain for hours lying on my bed. I felt guilty to my baby she probably hurt inside too.
All of these makes me think I'm not good enough Mama and I hate and blame myself a lot.
But now seeing her so perfectly healthy, strong and beautiful.. knowing that her grew well inside my womb after all these times.. makes me very grateful that words can’t describe.
She is the protector for clumsy helpless Mama like me.. I am forever grateful to her..
My Little Protector ❤
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